似花还似非花，中国同妻悲剧

似花还似非花，中国同妻悲剧
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2017/1/13 13:33:39

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似花还似非花，中国同妻悲剧

Wives in sham marriages hidden in the shadows

似花还似非花，中国同妻悲剧

"At least 14 million straight women in China are currently, or have been, trapped in false marriages with men who are gay," Zhang Beichuan, a retired professor with the Medical School of Qingdao University, and a pioneering researcher on LGBT (lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender) issues, tells China Daily Website.

“中国至少有1400万的直女当前正被困、或一直被困在与男同的伪婚姻里。”青岛大学医学院退休教授、同性恋/双性恋/变性恋的研究先驱张北川先生在接受中国日报采访时说。

The phenomenon of Tongqi (wives of male homosexuals) has been in the shadows for decades due to Chinese traditional cultural customs, which strongly pressure adults to get married at certain ages, Zhang said. However, in the past two years, this special group has been under the spotlight and stirred public debate extensively as more victims stand out to vent their plights.

张北川说，由于受中国传统文化习俗的压力，成年人到了一定年龄就得结婚，同妻(男同的妻子)现象在过去的几十年中一直处于阴影里。然而，近两年，随着越来越多的受害者站出来为她们的处境发声，这个特殊的群体被曝光，引起了公众的广泛争论。

"Tongqi’s cries of marriage misery represent the development of society and women’s conscience of equal rights; it also reaches the physical and mental limit wives married to gay men can tolerate," Zhang said.

张北川表示，“同妻为不幸婚姻哭泣，代表了社会的进步和妇女平等意识的发展；同时说明，女性和男同的婚姻已达到了她们所能忍受的生理和心理极限。”

Many women were deceived into such bitter relationships by their gay partners as the later just need such marriages of convenience as a buffer between themselves and family and social pressure. Fei Yan (pseudonym), a 41-year-old white-collar woman living in Changsha, Central China’s Hunan province, said her unwitting marriage to a gay man led to a lifetime of woes.

许多女性是被他们的男同丈夫骗到了这种痛苦的婚姻中，因为男同们需要这样的一种婚姻关系，方便他们在家庭以及社会压力之间缓冲。生活在中国中部湖南省长沙市的41岁白领费燕（化名）表示，自己毫不知情的跌入了与男同的婚姻，导致了一生的灾难。

"Before he confessed to me, I had no idea what happened between us," Fei said.

她说，“我之前一直毫不知情，直到他向我坦诚相告。”

The couple had two children - the elder is now 10 – and husband and wife have decent jobs. It seems a happy, middle-class family.

夫妻俩有两个孩子——大的已经10岁了——二人也都有非常的体面的工作。看起来实在是一个幸福的中产阶级家庭。

"However, when we’re alone, he’s not willing to get close to me or touch me. I thought I had done something wrong. That has been a huge blow to me in the past decade," Fei said.

费燕说，“然而，当我们两人单独相处时，他不愿意亲近我，也没有肢体接触。我一直以为是我做错了什么。在过去的几十年里，这对我来说是巨大的打击。”

According to Zhang’s investigation, about 80 percent of the estimated 20 million homosexual men in China are currently or have been in a fake marriage.

根据张北川的调查，中国当前约2000万的同妻中，80%左右正在或一直被困于伪婚姻中。

"It’s seriously immoral to intentionally and rashly deceive an innocent woman into a sham marriage," the professor said.

他说，“有意地、草率地欺骗一个无辜的女人，只是为了形式婚姻，这是严重的不道德行为。”

As a moderator of a tongqi group on QQ, an instant chat platform, Ru Meng (pseudonym) found two reasons behind this phenomenon after two-years of research about such marriages. First, homosexuality still carries a strong stigma in China. So the marriage is used as a shield to protect homosexual men. Second, under the pressure of filial ethics, gay people tend to find wives to have children to inherit the family’s fortune.

作为一个即时聊天平台——同妻QQ群的群主，经过两年对同妻婚姻的研究，如梦（化名）发现这种现象背后往往有两种原因：其一，在中国，同性恋者仍然有很强的耻辱感。因此婚姻被男同视作挡箭牌。其次，在孝道的压力下，男同倾向于取妻生子以传宗接代。

An online report, Plight of the Chinese Tongqi, stirred outrage and sympathy towards the gay people and their wives.

网上的一篇报道——中国同妻之难，激起了人们对男同的愤怒以及对同妻的同情。

"However, it’s hard for those wives to walk out the cursed binding," Ru Meng said.

如梦说，“不过，同妻想要逃出伪婚姻的坟墓也是非常难的。”

Many women choose to quit their jobs and become full-time housewives after marriage, making them financially dependent on their spouse. Once the wife realizes the truth, she may decide to keep silent and maintain the sham marriage to give their children a stable family.

很多女性在婚后辞职，成为全职家庭主妇，这使得她们在经济上完全依靠配偶。一旦她们发现了真相，往往会决定保持沉默，维持着伪婚姻以给孩子一个完整的家。

"I did not want my children to grow up without a father. But I did not want them to grow up in a dysfunctional family either," Fei said. Some do find the courage to divorce their husbands, but divorce is still considered as a shameful issue, according ingrained custom.

费燕说，“我不想让孩子没有父亲。可我也不想让孩子生活在一个不正常的家庭里。”一些人确实鼓起了勇气离婚，然而，在中国根深蒂固的思想里，离婚同样是一件不光彩的事儿。

"A lack of sex education in Chinese schools has contributed to the tragedy of tongqi and the hostile social attitudes towards gays," Zhang said. Gay people usually feel ashamed to admit their sexual orientation and thus they choose to keep silent so they won’t be viewed as a "monster".

张北川说，“中国学校里性教育的缺失，以及社会对同性恋的不友好态度，引起了同妻的悲剧。”同性恋者羞于承认他们的性取向，因此选择保持沉默，避免被视作“另类”。

"Same-sex relationships should be tolerated and respected by more people. And the stereotype about same-sex marriage may also be diminished, thus the tongqi tragedy could be terminated," Zhang said.

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